Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my poor anus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
