The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
