come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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