just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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