dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize