The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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