Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
