i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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