Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
