That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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