Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
