I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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