So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
