hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
