Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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