I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
