Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
