I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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