3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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