that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
