I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Watching her eat just hurts me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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