Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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