The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
