it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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