If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My liver just had a heart attack.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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