I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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