Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize