Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
