then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
