Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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