Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
