if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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