Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
