just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
