my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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