I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
