I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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