Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
