oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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