How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
