We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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