sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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