i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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