she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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