I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
