they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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