a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
