i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize