my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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