how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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