when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
