On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
