how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
