Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
