I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
