Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
