i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
