if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
