me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize