dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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