Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
