Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
