You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
