Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
