you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
