I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
