we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
