This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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