got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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