im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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