Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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