I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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