I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
