I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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