Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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