I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
