thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FUCK WHALES
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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