My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize