I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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