I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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