I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
