Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
