OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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