just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
