my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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