Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize