im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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