In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
