This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
