what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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