her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
