Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
