i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
