so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
