Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
