All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
