Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
