I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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