so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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