I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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