well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
